A Need To Write

For the last several weeks I have been overwhelmed by emotions and thoughts but have been unable to articulate what I am actually feeling.

Yesterday, during an important conversation with Alex, I found myself struggling to recall what I said just a few minutes prior — during the same conversation. It’s not the first time that something like that has happened. Conversations, details, and specifics feel like something that fades from my memory more quickly than they should. It scares the hell out of me and now I feel a new need to write.

I have this blank space here that is waiting for me to fill with words, thoughts, and stories. For my own sanity I need to take advantage of what I have created.

Feeling so forgetful is simply gut wrenching. I’ve always taken pride in what my mind is capable of doing, but now that feels like it is slipping away. It’s really been in the last few months that I have noticed the changes in my memory, but yesterday was the first time I broke down about it. I just started to cry because even in the moment of fear and realization, I still could not put into words what I was feeling.

Perhaps it is because I have not worked or had a daily routine for the last 2 months? Or the stress of all my medical happenings? Maybe it’s a lack of educational/creative stimulation?

At almost 30 years old I have never struggled with my words or my thoughts. Suddenly, it is a terrifying reality to face.  This space, Sneakers and Sass, is more important than ever. I need to write.

The Last Two Weeks

Since December I’ve been getting treating for migraines by a neurologist. I’ve talked about my migraines on here a time or two.

Two weeks ago yesterday I headed off to the gym for an easy interval treadmill workout. I spent 32 minutes alternating between an easy walk and a very slow jog. I felt great and it was the perfect Day 1 in my long plan to a half marathon.

I headed back to my apartment and per usual I plopped onto the couch, took off my heart rate monitor, and slid off my shoes. Instantly I began feeling very sick. Like, down to my core, sick. I looked up at Alex and said “I feel nauseous”.

The next thing I knew Alex was standing over me, both hands on my shoulders, and panic was in his voice as he repeatedly called my name. For the third time in so many months, I just passed out. Each time was a little different with different circumstances.

I immediately made an appointment with my neurologist. I needed to follow-up in regards to my migraines, anyways. Last Wednesday I was back in his office explaining all the incidents and surrounding symptoms. The concerns of my doctor we raised and a battery of tests were ordered.

Three tests were done last week.

One was a complete blood workup with a glucose test.
Everything was normal.

The second test was an EKG.  Also normal.

The third test was an EEG of my brain. That test was done last Friday and then my doctor called me on Monday.  He said my EEG came back with some abnormalities and showed signs of seizures.

seizures?

Insert a long moment of silence followed by panic HERE.

I still have three more tests that will be run tomorrow at the hospital. Then there will hopefully be a diagnosis and a plan.

My only hope is that every migraine, moment of being light-headed, feeling of nausea, and fainting spell is now a symptom for something that can be treated. Or at least something that can be understood and prepared for.

I am trying to process, but I don’t yet have all the information. I don’t know how I feel or how I should feel. And that is a pretty scary feeling.

Weigh In 1.23.2015

The days got away from me this week, and I am totally unprepared, but HELLO FRIDAY!

This week: +0.4
Current Weight: 233.6
Total loss: -1.4 pounds

A few thoughts about this week:

  • The drive-thru is still my nemesis.
  • Not having a job is more stressful than I ever thought. When I am stressed, I eat.
  • This is a journey; there will be ups, downs, and plateaus.
  • MyFitnessPal is keeping me honest and I am thankful for that.
  • Creating a Couch to Half Marathon plan is overwhelming and I’m not sure where to start.
  • I don’t eat enough fruit and veggies.
  • I saw this picture on a blog I read (She Likes It Fresh) and think it’s pretty awesome.
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I hope you had a great week! Do you have something fun planned for the weekend?
My weekend will include catching up on tasks I’ve been putting off.

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Crock Pot Carne Asada {Taco}

Food blogger I am not. Half the time I don’t remember to take photos at all and the other half of the time I don’t get a good shot with decent light or whatever. Alex and I have a lot of fun cooking together and creating new recipes. In turn, I am having some fun sharing the random recipes.

Monday we were in a taco kind of mood, but we wanted something that was easy and delicious. Cue the crockpot! FullSizeRender

Into the Crock Pot went:

  • 1 can of original Rotel
  • 1 can of Mexican Lime & Cilantro Rotel
  • 1 Carne Asada from Trader Joe’s (ours was mostly defrosted)
  • 1 packet of taco seasoning (not pictured, but we used THIS.)
  • half an orange bell pepper cut into strips (not pictured)
  • half a yellow bell pepper cut into strips (not pictured)
  • 8oz of water

I turned the crock pot on low at 1pm. Within an hour I could smell the wonderful aroma of coming from the kitchen and it made me so excited for dinner! Low and slow for 5 hours was all it took! IMG_5983

Remove the Carne Asada from the crock pot and shred with fork. Also, try not to steal more than one bite! All that’s left is to build your taco! From the bottom up:

  • Tortilla
  • Carne Asada
  • Rotel tomatoes from crock pot (drained – you don’t want a soggy taco!)
  • Peppers from crock pot (also drained)
  • Crumbled Queso Fresco
  • Sour Cream

Dinner really hit the spot and turned out much better than I could have ever expected. ENJOY!

Note: if you are not local to Trader Joe’s to pick up their Carne Asada, you could substitute with a flank steak.  FullSizeRender_1

Un-Goals

Project Reverb is a way to reflect on the past and project into the future. It’s a way to share your stories.  It’s a way to dream. It’s a way to rehash certain events.  It’s a way to rethink, and think.  It’s also a great way to meet other bloggers and practice good writing. Will you join me in this months prompt?

Un-goals: What are you so NOT doing this year? What’s on your “I just can’t care about that” list?

This year I am not going to care about being perfect. This year I am not going to have the tunnel vision that everything must be proper and perfect all the time. This year I am not setting a lofty goal. I am not going to define the expectations of those goals.

A lot of my thought process going into this year was about un-goals. I wanted a vision, a mindset, but without all the pressures of a specific goal. For the first time in my adult life I did not want a goal; instead I decided to live and be present in 2015. I wrote about it in my New Years post, HERE.

Now, this year I am turning 30! And that is sort of a big deal. Again, I didn’t want goals because I want turning 30 to be a blissful experience. Well, as much as it can be. When I think of turning 30 I think of being confident and healthy. Last week I wrote about that and made a few promises to myself.

This may not be the ideal un-goal approach, obviously there are some goals here, but it’s a minimalist approach that I’ve never taken before.

This year I just don’t care to have a laundry list of things to do, see, or accomplish. My goals won’t get checked off by seeing a certain number on the scale, running “x” miles, or reading “y” books.

I am rather confident that this year will kick ass. The un-goal approach is kind of perfect for me. I don’t know why it took me so long to get on board with it.

Snaps From The Weekend

The weekend flew by and it was go, go, go! My niece and nephew came for a visit, and that’s always a chaotic adventure.

Friday evening after picking them up from school we headed to 4Rivers Smokehouse for an early dinner.

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We made a pit stop for donuts and hats!

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We arrived to our place and engaged in a riveting game of Disney Infinity.

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Saturday we went to the movies. The boys saw The Hobbit and us girls saw Annie!

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After the movie we ventured to my parents house for dinner and puzzles.

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Sunday we rounded things out by getting excited about gas prices! SWEET!

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And I took some secret selfies.

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And finally, we ended our fun weekend with the Cheesecake Factory!

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Have you been to the Cheesecake Factory? What’s your favorite Cheesecake? 
What did you do this weekend!?

What I’m Loving #3

Hey y’all!

Another “What I’m Loving” post for you on this Friday. It’s going to be a quick one because as soon as I hit publish we’ll be out the door for a busy weekend. We are off to Orlando to grab my nephew and niece from school and spend the long weekend together. It’s always a great time with those two kids.

Can I call them kids even though they are now taller than me? Eh. 

Tommy & Emily: I’ll kick off this weeks edition with my favorite (only) nephew and niece. I am excited to spend some quality time with them. It’s long over due.

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Pizza Night: Lazy night at home = pizza night.

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4Rivers Smokehouse: We discovered 4Rivers (a central Florida based restaurant) a few months ago and it’s all we can think of when it comes to BBQ. I haven’t found anything I don’t like, and Alex is particularly fond of their burnt ends, cheese grits, and the bread pudding. We might be heading there for dinner tonight. ;)

My Fitness Pal: This tool has kept me on track and honest for the last two weeks. If you aren’t familiar, My Fitness Pal is a tool used for logging food, tracking nutrition, and workouts. I am incredibly motivated and inspired by my friends on there. If you are on MFP, friend me HERE. If you are not, well, I can’t recommend it enough. Especially if you are on a healthiness journey.

My apartment gym: There is a small gym on the property of the apartment complex and it’s fantastic! It’s has a minimal amount of equipment, but it has everything that I need at this point in my journey. Best of all: it beats the hell out of paying for a gym membership.

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Happy Friday, friends!

Tell me, what are you loving?!?